Learning to Let go of Triggered Emotions

Recently, I watched the film Ruby Sparks with my new partner. In one scene she is crying on the floor in what appears to be an overdramatic reaction. It is meant to make the audience laugh, but in that moment I identified with her. How many times in my life had a had such a reaction?

It made me realise how ridiculous my intensity appears to the rest of the world, and potentially how ridiculous I might seem to my new partner. If I am not equipped to deal with the emotional meltdowns, why do I think anyone else is? I also don’t want to reach the point where I start to listen to intrusive thoughts that might cause me to verbally lash out at those I love. Something needed to change in me.

Rosie Cappuccino in her book, Talking About BPD, says that validating your emotions is important and that even if the emotion doesn’t match the circumstances, they are still valid emotions to have. While I agree with this and she goes on to say that you can choose to act or not act on them, I also believe there are ways to challenge the emotion if it’s not the appropriate emotion for today’s trigger.

If the emotion doesn’t match what triggered it or it is too intense for the trigger, I’d rather intercede it. For me, these intense emotions can be almost like synaptic responses when my brain shuts down. They are often the same pattern over and over. A confused jumble of flight, fight freeze responses that have been reinforced reactions when I am triggered. It has always been draining being left in that state and I have a lot of anxiety and excel adrenaline for days, sometimes weeks after. If I am triggered, I’d like my response to match the circumstances and in this way regulate my emotions more effectively.

Because it’s a pattern, I find myself going back time and again to the same place.

What's your emotional responses when you are triggered?

In the past has the emotional flooding felt like distinct or different emotions or do you frequently fall into the same emotional space?

Sometimes the anxiety about feeling a particular emotion can be overwhelming in itself. Try to let go of any judgements of your emotions- whether they are ‘good’ or ‘bad.’

If the emotion doesn’t match you can choose to let go of the emotion. Meditations like Being the Watcher of your Thoughts by John Davisi may help yourself to be the watcher of your thoughts and emotions and this can achieve some distance between them and you.

If the emotion matches, Audios such as those on Excel At Life, recorded and produced by Monica A.Frank may help for distress tolerance and assistance to calm you back down. Listening to Learning to Tolerate Anxiety or Panic Assistance before you get too anxious and listening to Depression Assistance and Education can help reinforce that though these emotions are uncomfortable, they will not harm you. These audios have personally helped me a lot. Both anxiety and depression can often show up in Borderline and people often have symptoms of all three.

How you tackle your emotions may be down to if they are repeated responses from the past or if they are new or different emotions each time. It can also help to know if they cause dissociation of any kind.

I will come back to these ideas and explore them further in the future as they are big issues to tackle.